Funny Quotes

“When we were almost to the other campus, I felt the weird nausea hit me. I called a warning to Christian, just as a Strigoi grabbed him. But Christian was fast. Flames wreathed the Strigoi’s head. He screamed and released Christian, trying frantically to put the flames out. The Strigoi never saw me coming with the stake. The whole thing took under a minute. Christian and I exchanged looks. Yeah. We were badasses.” ― Richelle Mead, Shadow Kiss
“Sometimes the sins you haven’t committed are all you have left to hold onto.” ― David Sedaris, When You Are Engulfed in Flames
“Were you always such a stubborn, blind, obtuse girl?” “Are you calling me stupid?” “Yes, but in a more poetic way!” “Well, here’s a poem for you. Get lost!” ― Colleen Houck
“Sometimes I think it is a great mistake to have matter that can think and feel. It complains so. By the same token, though, I suppose that boulders and mountains and moons could be accused of being a little too phlegmatic.” ― Kurt Vonnegut Jr.
“I let out a laugh that sounded more like the yip of a startled poodle. “Superp-powers? I wish. My powers aren’t winning me a slot on the Cartoon Network anytime soon… except as a comic relief. Ghost Whisperer Junior. Or Ghost Screamer, more like it. Tune in, every week, as Chloe Saunders runs screaming from yet another ghost looking for her help.” Okay, superpower might be pushing it.” ― Kelley Armstrong, The Summoning
When a teacher calls a boy by his entire name, it means trouble. Mark Twain
Here”s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin
“I know – I’ll play you for it,” Alice suggested. “Rock, paper, scissors.” Jasper chuckled and Edward sighed. “Why don’t you just tell me who wins?” Edward said wryly. Alice beamed. “I do. Excellent.” ― Stephenie Meyer, Breaking Dawn
“I’m your friend, and friends don’t let friends die.” ― C.B. Cook, Twinepathy