Funny Quotes

My greatest hero is Nelson Mandela. What a man. Incarcerated for 25 years, he was released in 1990 and he hasn”t reoffended. I think he”s going straight, which shows you prison does work. Ricky Gervais
“When I’m out of politics I’m going to run a business, it’ll be called rent-a-spine” ― Margaret Thatcher
“Since I don’t smoke, I decided to grow a mustache – it is better for the health. However, I always carried a jewel-studded cigarette case in which, instead of tobacco, were carefully placed several mustaches, Adolphe Menjou style. I offered them politely to my friends: “Mustache? Mustache? Mustache?” Nobody dared to touch them. This was my test regarding the sacred aspect of mustaches.” ― Salvador Dalí, Dalí’s Mustache
“Because I can’t help doing it,” he said with a shrug. “And hey, if I keep loving you, maybe you’ll eventually crack and love me too. Hell, I’m pretty sure you’re already half in love with me.” “I am not! And everything you just said is ridiculous. That’s terrible logic.” Adrian returned to his crossword puzzle. “Well, you can think what you want, so long as you remember-no matter how ordinary things seem between us-I’m still here, still in love with you, and care about you more than any other guy, evil or otherwise, ever will.” “I don’t think you’re evil.” “See? Things are already looking promising.” ― Richelle Mead, The Indigo Spell
“The fact that we live at the bottom of a deep gravity well, on the surface of a gas covered planet going around a nuclear fireball 90 million miles away and think this to be normal is obviously some indication of how skewed our perspective tends to be.” ― Douglas Adams, The Salmon of Doubt: Hitchhiking the Galaxy One Last Time
“If you reject the food, ignore the customs, fear the religion, and avoid the people, you might better stay home.” ― James A. Michener
“The worst part of success is trying to find someone who is happy for you.” ― Bette Midler
“Bite me, Goth princess,” Shane called from the back. “Not literally or anything.” “Maybe you should say that to Michael.” “Not funny, Eve,” Michael said. Eve raised her eyebrows and held her fingers up, measuring off about an inch. “Little bit,” she said.” ― Rachel Caine, Ghost Town
“Go ahead. You’re not going to walk in on anyone. I’m home alone.” “The whole night?” Immediately, I realized it might not have been the smartest thing to say. “Dorothea will be coming soon.” That was a lie. Dorothea was long gone. It was close to midnight. “Dorothea?” “Our housekeeper. She’s old- but strong. Very strong.” I tried to squeeze past him. Unsuccessfully. “Sounds frightening,” he said, retrieving the key from the lock. He held it out for me. “She can clean a toilet inside and out in under a minute. More like terrifying.” ― Becca Fitzpatrick, Hush, Hush